Correct Use of “Who” vs. “Whom” – A Simple, Practical Guide for Everyone

Many people, even native English speakers, stumble when choosing between “who” and “whom.” It sounds like an old-fashioned grammar puzzle, but getting it right can make your writing and speaking more polished, especially in formal settings.

Whether you’re a student, professional, or someone who just wants to sound more confident in English, this guide breaks down everything you need to know. You’ll learn what the difference is, how to test which one is correct, and how to avoid common traps that confuse so many people.

Let’s break it down in the most natural and relatable way possible so that no matter your level of education or background, you walk away fully understanding how “who” and “whom” really work.

What Is the Difference Between “Who” and “Whom”?

To put it simply, “who” is used as the subject of a sentence, while “whom” is used as the object.

Think of it like this:

• Use “who” when the person is doing the action.

• Use “whom” when the person is receiving the action.

READ: Your vs. You’re – Real-Life Mix-Ups Explained

Let’s explain that with some real examples.

Example 1 (Who – subject):
Who called you last night?
Here, “who” is doing the action of calling. So we use “who.”

Example 2 (Whom – object):
Whom did you call last night?
Here, you did the calling. “Whom” is the person being called, the receiver of the action.

This is the key. If you understand subjects and objects, everything else will fall into place.

A Simple Trick: Use “He” or “Him” to Decide

One popular and very effective test is to replace “who” or “whom” with “he” or “him.”
This trick works because “he” is a subject, and “him” is an object. Just like “who” and “whom.”

Let’s test it.

Sentence:
___ do you trust?

Try filling in with “he” or “him”:
Do you trust he? No.
Do you trust him? Yes.
Because “him” fits, the correct word is whom.

Final sentence:
Whom do you trust?

Another one:
___ is coming to the meeting?

Try:
He is coming to the meeting? Yes.
Him is coming to the meeting? No.
“He” fits, so we use who.

Final sentence:
Who is coming to the meeting?

This “he/him” test works almost every time and is your easiest cheat.

More Useful Examples of “Who” in Sentences

1. Who wants to volunteer for the school play?
   (Who = the person doing the action of volunteering)

2. Do you know who baked this cake?
   (Who = the subject doing the baking)

3. I wonder who is behind this idea.
   (Who = the person who came up with the idea)

4. Who told you that secret?
   (Who = the person telling)

Notice in all these examples that “who” is actively doing something.

READ: That vs. Which – Defining vs. Non-Defining Clauses

More Useful Examples of “Whom” in Sentences

1. Whom should I send the invitation to?
   (You are doing the sending. Whom is receiving the invitation.)

2. To whom did she speak at the event?
   (She did the speaking. Whom is the listener.)

3. I don’t know whom he hired for the job.
   (He did the hiring. Whom is the one hired.)

4. Whom are you waiting for?
   (You are doing the waiting. Whom is the person being waited for.)

Let’s Break It Down Visually

Here’s a basic table to help you see the structure more clearly.

When in doubt, ask yourself:
Who is doing the action? → Use who
Who is receiving the action? → Use whom

When “Whom” Sounds Too Formal

Here’s the truth: In everyday conversation, people often say “who” even when “whom” is technically correct. That’s because “whom” can sound stiff or overly formal in speech.

Example:
You might say “Who are you going with?” instead of “With whom are you going?”

The second sentence is grammatically correct but sounds old-fashioned. Most people would use the first version in normal conversation. And that’s okay. But in writing, especially formal or professional writing, it’s better to use “whom” when it’s correct.

When Grammar and Style Clash

Let’s be honest. There are times when saying “whom” sounds too serious, even if it’s technically right. For example:

Grammatically correct:
The person whom I saw at the store looked familiar.

What most people say:
The person who I saw at the store looked familiar.

If you’re writing a formal document, use “whom.” If you’re chatting with a friend, “who” will do just fine. Grammar rules are important, but tone and style matter too. The best communicators know when to bend the rules for clarity and comfort.

READ: Fixing Subject–Verb Agreement Errors

Frequently Asked Questions: Who vs. Whom

Q1: Can “whom” ever start a sentence?
Yes, it can. For example:
Whom did she choose for the award?
While it may sound stiff, it is correct, especially in writing.

Q2: What about “whoever” and “whomever”?
The same rules apply. “Whoever” is used as a subject. “Whomever” is used as an object.
Example: Give it to whomever you prefer. (object)
Whoever arrives first gets the prize. (subject)

Q3: Is using “whom” still necessary today?
In speaking, not always. Many modern writers and speakers drop “whom.” However, in business, academic, or formal settings, using it correctly shows professionalism and command of the language.

Q4: Why does “whom” often follow prepositions like “to,” “for,” or “with”?
Because prepositions need objects, and “whom” is the object form.
Examples:
“To whom should I address the letter?”
“With whom are you traveling?”
“For whom is this message intended?”

Q5: What’s the easiest way to avoid mistakes with “whom”?
Use the “he/him” test. If “him” fits, use “whom.” It’s simple, fast, and effective.

Final Thoughts

Knowing when to use “who” and “whom” is more than just grammar. It’s about confidence. It’s about sounding polished when it matters. Yes, people may not always use “whom” in everyday speech, and yes, it may sound a bit formal. But when used right, it shows that you care about clarity, correctness, and good communication.

The trick is not to memorize every rule. Instead, understand how sentences work. See the action. Ask who’s doing it. Ask who’s receiving it. Let the sentence reveal the right word.

With practice, using “who” and “whom” correctly will stop feeling like a grammar test and start feeling like second nature.

If you remember nothing else, remember this:

He = who
Him = whom

Let that guide you, and you won’t go wrong.